Who the eff is this guy?

Oh hey there 👋. How’d you get here? Probably (hopefully) because I sent you this link directly. The more popular modern dating apps are relatively limited in what you can share about yourself. This “profile” attempts to share a bit more about me, and what I’m looking for. Grab some popcorn; it’s a doozy.

I am a hard-working, fun-loving, high-energy, adventurous, extroverted person. I love life, love the people in it, and am generally very optimistic and usually quite happy. I try to make a practice of recognizing how fortunate I am, and do my best to appreciate that. In doing so, I feel both driven and frankly obligated to positively contribute to life on earth during my (relatively short, though I’m trying to extend it as long as I can) time here.

I’m passionate about environmental stewardship, dismantling barriers to fulfilling lives for others, reducing waste, efficiency, using time well, making people laugh, having deep, meaningful relationships, and broadly optimizing my overall positive impact.

I have never been married, engaged or had kids, but have spent the vast majority of my adult life in committed, long-term, monogamous relationships.

In general, I think I’m an amazing person, and I think most people who know me well would agree that I’m unique, thoughtful, smart, and passionate. But I’m not for everyone. Some ways that stand out to me that some (many?) may find incompatible or could make me hard to live with or really enjoy a lot of time with are:

Time management
I am someone with very few anxieties in my life, and for this I feel very fortunate. However, I always want to spend my time well. In general, I love this about myself, because I think it helps me lead a very whole, fulfilling life where I very seldom let fears or difficulties of doing something get in the way of my trying to do them. However, I think this can at times manifest in a way that it can be hard for me to just relax and do nothing. The things I find are always worth my time are: learning, exercising, connecting/sharing with others. Things I need to be convinced are worth my time are: watching movies, watching sports. In general, I like to be an active participant in my life, so passive activities tend to be less appealing to me, though I indulge sometimes. Though I’m very athletic, and love playing sports, I’m often the least informed about pro athletes and games and such. If friends get together for dinner and to watch the bachelor, I’ll come over for dinner and have a wonderful time and then dip out when the show comes on as I just don’t want to spend my time that way. I think it’s something that allows me to do all the things I do in my life, and I don’t want to change it, but for those who don’t have a lot of ambition or drive to improve themselves, you could find this annoying about me.

Living my values
I am someone who although is goofy AF most of the time, takes very seriously living into my values. I’m proud of this, but it can be hard for others to feel like they’re meeting me where I’m at, and for plenty, I’m sure the shit I do is just plain weird. For example, this is what my fridge looked like in Buenos Aires for like two weeks while I was hoarding all my food scraps (not waste!) because I’m committed to the idea of environmental stewardship, and composting is just something I always try to do. fridge full of food scraps  Ridiculous? Yes. Stupid? Yes. I get that many people would find this to be excessive, but I think is a good demonstration of something that’s important to me, and falls outside of the norm of the extent that others would likely go to adhere to their values.

Diet
I’m a vegetarian who leans vegan when cooking. Historically, I’ve resisted the label of vegan because I think there’s a lot of baggage with it, and it’s not a primary focus of my life and passions per se. The reasons I maintain this diet are three fold: planet, my health, and animals, in that order. I have never tried to proselytize a partner and never plan to. However, I’m someone who is more driven by the purpose behind what I’m eating than the flavor. Don’t get me wrong, I effing love food, I will a crush a delicious ass pastry, Saturday morning after soccer, every week. I think I’m a pretty good cook, not great, you’re not going to write home about me, or if you do it would probably be like: “Hey mom. I met this nice guy who’s an adequate cook, but cool in other ways…” – or something like that. But seriously, I tend to be a bit more utilitarian in my cooking, which can bore some people. I try to make things that are tasty, but will prioritize health over taste when cooking for myself. I eat a lot because I’m very active. But if you’re really passionate about the taste of food, and the experience you get from eating, or me cooking meat is important to you, we’re probably not a good match. I eat to live, I don’t live to eat.

Alcohol
I enjoy drinking alcohol, though, in general, I view it as something best to limit. I have always been very in control of my alcohol consumption, though certainly have had too much on many occasions. Like all family’s, there is alcohol abuse in mine, though is not a driver as to why I try to limit my consumption. I would actually prefer a partner who drinks in moderation or not at all. I don’t need it as a social lubricant, in general it’s bad for our long term health, and can be a mask or crutch for other problems. I do not judge those who drink, and don’t expect you to be a teetotaller, but just like food, if sitting down to a glass of wine every night with your partner to unwind is a way you really love to connect, or going out to a bar is top of the list of things to do outside the house, we’re probably not a great match.

Justin Bieber
I used to make fun of him; now that I’m wiser, and as is he, I love him. You’re not going to change that. Dealbreaker? You’re wrong. Baby still bangs 🔥 🎵 👶 🍼

belieber

What I’m looking for in a partner

Ah yes, this is where you come in. If you are still reading and haven’t run for your 📱 🔥 🐝 🚪 (closest I could get to Hinge), we may have a chance here. Or maybe you’ll send this link to your friend and be like, look at this effing weirdo.

🍯 Attraction/connection 🔌

Though I’m not proud of it, and wish it I felt differently because I appreciate most about people what they do with their own agency, as opposed to gifts they were born with, I have found that I require a strong physical attraction to my partner. My number one love language is touch, a close second, acts of service. For me it doesn’t mean constant sex, but frequent affectionate physical connection is a way for me to feel close to partners. I hug my friends a lot, and I expect to be physically intimate with my partner frequently.

🌄 Inspiration 🌄
I want to be inspired by a partner, and really most of the people I try to keep close to me in my life. That usually means they’re smart and ambitious and passionate about helping others. Generosity and altruism are two of the most attractive qualities to me. I won’t be fulfilled by someone who just wants to focus on experiences that will enrich their lives, but rather, someone who recognizes how fortunate they are, and frequently thinks about how to help others. This generosity can manifest in many forms, and while I identify with this perspective myself, I would prefer my partner be able to complement or augment my thinking rather than replicate my perspectives.

🎢 Adventure 🎢
I am an adventurous person who needs a lot of stimulation. I like to do active things like play sports and bike. I don’t need a partner to share all of that, and in fact, I think it’s both an unhealthy/unrealistic expectation that a partner should fulfill all things for you. I relish activities with other friends that I’ll never do with my partner. However, given some of my favorite things to do are adventure-seeking, someone who’s not active and doesn’t have any overlap with adventurous things they like to do, is not a good fit for me. An ideal vacation day for example might be to get up early on Sunday, bike to a beach, have a wonderful picnic, snuggle, play/read for a good portion of the day, have a deep conversation under the stars and return home for some more smooching.

👈 Reciprocity 👉
I’m able to give A LOT, and I find it very rewarding to do so. I’m very generous. I don’t keep score about favors or anything petty like that, but I truly need to feel that my partner can consistently demonstrate, albeit in different ways, the same level of investment, showing that they care about and value me.

💭 Intellectual stimulation ⚡️
I love having deep conversations, and I am always thinking about the future, how to make it better, what i can do, what I can learn, and who I can collaborate with. I ultimately am going to spend a lot of time with my partner and I want that to be time with someone who can uplift me, teach me things, show me how to better while expecting the same of me for them. Like physical attractiveness, it’s crushing to me that intelligence is not a trait fairly, or evenly distributed. But nevertheless, for me, it’s imperative that I find that my partner can enrich my thoughts and perspectives, is actively engaged in doing so, and expects the same of me.

👐 Open-mindedness/growth-mindset 📈
I get along best with people who are open minded, and who remain open to revisiting their convictions. I’m a non-traditionalist, I don’t accept anything that “is just the way it is” or is “always how we’ve done it.” I need to identify with the justification for the thing. Someone who I never connected with put this in a dating app: “Strong opinions, loosely held” I love that as I think it concisely represents my views and what I’m looking for. I don’t come into relationships expecting to change someone’s mind about anything, but the world is so damn nuanced and people are so complicated, that I have a hard time relating to people who are staunchly immovable in the way they view things. Furthermore, I’m looking for a partner who absolutely accepts themselves and their flaws, but also wants to work on becoming the best version of themselves, wants to support my doing this, and expects that we’ll help each other to be better.

My final thoughts about you (until you give me the opportunity for more)

I feel two ways about this simultaneously. On one hand, it’s ridiculous to come up with a list of requirements in a partner because I do believe there are intangibles I can’t write down about how connection really works. I suppose that’s a beauty in life, there’s still plenty we can’t explain. Also, it’s a lot to thrust at someone who doesn’t know you to project all these things they should be for you. Sorry. Yet, at the same time, I think it’s important to be direct about compatibility. Maybe this is my efficiency at play, but the reality is, I’m unlikely to settle unless I feel really fulfilled in a partnership, and at this point in my life, I have had the experience to know who I am and what I’m looking for.

Lifestyle

I am able to work from anywhere, and intend on continuing to take advantage of that. While I’m writing this, I’ve been living in Buenos Aires for 3.5 months, my first time living outside the U.S. I’m here working remotely, learning Spanish, somehow playing hockey (who the eff knew?!) roller hockey in Buenos Aires and generally living a normal life here. My plan is to have this be a consistent rhythm, splitting time between North America and Latinoamérica provided I can become fluent in Spanish (trabajando en eso). This is not something I’m steadfast committed to, and although I love the summer and weather is important to me, people are more important. So, maybe you’ll be amazing enough to change my plans, or maybe I’ll be amazing enough to change yours? Or did you already have a similar plan? Veremos.

Children

Can we just settle on these guys for now?

(sexy ass) human holding baby turtle (sexy ass) human holding baby goat

The topic of children is one that’s complicated, but at my age, is important to be communicative about early on, so here are some of my thoughts. The concept of having my own children has always been challenging for me. I would want to be the kind of parent that I had, and the kind of partner I am, where I’m willing to give a lot of time and energy. I see that focus on time, energy, and resources in my own family, at the expense of my ability to help others. I have never had a strong drive to have my own, and at the same time, that seems counterintuitive to all of history that has brought me into being. I also love life, and the idea of creating it should come natural. I have noticed myself over the past few years paying more attention to young kids, and in general think they’re amazing and cute as shit, especially once they’re two-ish and begin to have something to say.

Ultimately, this is a complex, and contextually-dependent conversation, but as it stands I view family more broadly than most, and while I’m open to continue orienting more towards having them, they’re not in my current plans. If you are steadfast on wanting kids and starting really soon, you should pass on me. If you are at all open to a future where you might not have kids of your own, then let’s talk about it.

Al fin

Well, this has gotten embarrassingly long, but I suppose it is who I really am, or at least who I’ve been at a snapshot in time, and therefore worth authentically sharing with you. Ultimately, I lead a pretty effing charmed life, but one that definitely has a big gap in it without a committed romantic partner. So I’m looking for someone who wants to grow together, and I only really have space in my life for amazing people. Maybe your one?